Dear Weed$teeler

Please submit your questions @

What age is too old for Chuck E Cheese?

Chuck E Cheese is full of ironies. The namesake, their mascot, is a mouse. The establishment is full of games. It is only befitting for this place to be the arena for a common game of cat and mouse. There really isn’t an age too old, yet age will dictate whether you are “cat” or “mouse,” rather I should say “predator” or “prey.” You see, if I can take the liberty to presume the maturity of our questioner and audience, age isn’t quite as important in this case as speed and agility, which will be key in catching your prey. If you think you’re old age will get you caught, rely on old standby methods such as luring with a false sense of security.

why do fat chicks only want me to fuck them in the ass? not complaining, just asking.

Fat chicks can and will tempt a man with anal sex in order to expose him to a wide spectrum of disease-causing organisms located in the rectum. Just as fat chicks are the result of maladaptive exploitation of energy storage in adipose tissue, anal sex exploits the dopaminergic rushes associated with both intercourse and risk behavior.

What should I get my dad for his birthday? I was thinking of punching him out or hiding salami behind all the light switches in his house.

He already has you for a son, but if you want to add insult to injury, you should finally come out of the closet.

How do you REALLY feel about dating outside of one’s own race?

Properly so called, in taxonomy, “race” is used synonymously with “subspecies” and as such, all modern living humans are classified as belonging to the subspecies homo sapiens sapiens. By this qualification, the question becomes one of human-nonhuman relations. Of course, conventional dating and courtship practices are often of a sexual nature and therefore implies bestiality as a consequence. Bestiality dispenses with one major dogma of human sexuality, the pretense of caring for mutual human attraction. Like most fetishism, this is why our culture reacts so powerfully to bestiality and establishes such a taboo. However, to use another paraphiliac fetishism as an anology, just as sado-masochism is inherently subversive in its mockery of the symbols of power, authority, and dominance, so too does bestiality mock social rituals and radically counters natural order hierarchies. We support any mockery of social convention and anything radically subversive.

Whats the best cure for coke-dick?



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