Dear Weed$teeler

Please submit all questions at

so i’ve been a little constipated recently. this morning, i finally was able to take dump, and when i looked back in the toilet i noticed one of the turds seemed to have mold on it! i have not been able to find any info on this topic online! help!!!!!!!!!

First, I must commend you on a very acute and perspicacious nature to distinguish mold on your stool from any other undigested or partially digested organic matter of a high dietary fiber content. For starters, human feces is constituted to a large extent by expelled dead bacteria from the gut flora, digestion by-products and undigested material, and is colored by bile and bilirubin. It should be noted that flora of the human gut consists primarily in a core of different bacteria, however there are types of fungus that play key roles as well, most of them being different yeasts such as Candida and Saccharomyces. Nonetheless, other types of fungus instrumental in digestion include Aspergillus and Penicillium, both of which are molds. Aspergillus, is a common disease causing genus of fungus. The diseases are collectively known as Aspergillosis and are often comorbid with immune system compromising diseases such as AIDS. An Aspergilloma, that is a “fungus ball” of a variety of body cavities can effect the gastrointestinal tract. This could be what you are seeing.

So the local gays have been using girls to instigate orgies with straight men. how do you get head from two girls but avoid having the homosexual touch you?

Zip-ties and a weapon.

Will joining the Navy turn me gay?

When ships were powered by the wind and sailors were at sea for stretches of many months without women, the stereotype of the gay sailor was born. This lacking of a heterosexual libido release allegedly became manifest in a homosexual manner. Yet is there any truth to this stereotype?

Homosexuality is believed to occur primarily from natural events, that is, certain hereditary and hormonal factors. Notably, in 2008, significant research suggested brain symmetry was linked with sexual orientation. Yet, in addition to natural factors, some contextual ones are also alleged to play a role. Social constructs within a culture can inhibit or facilitate homosexuality. One’s latent homosexual urges may be confused or discouraged in a social setting that is not accepting. Within a society that has a negative view of homosexuality, an enterprise that has a tradition for harboring gays will be likely to attract them. Further, a high concentration of males (many Naval vessels are not outfitted for women, and the highest ratio is 1:5) is still a context that will raise the incidence of homosexuality. While joining the Navy alone will not turn you gay, it may help you find your inner homo.

A couple of women moved in across the hall. One is a middle-aged gym teacher, the other is a social worker in her twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I’ve never seen a man go into their apartment. Could they be lebanese?

This is not a question that can be answered definitively. It is worth noting that Lebanon is considered the epicenter of prostitution in the Middle East, so it is a curious observation that you have never seen a man enter their apartment. In any case, Lebanese women are often stereotyped by their personal appearance as reactionary against traditional gender roles. Yet, there are undercurrents of rebellion against this stereotype, known as ‘lipstick Lebanese.’ Therefore, there is a possibility, but by no means any certainty regarding the couple.

I still don’t understand why sodomy was ever illegal? Can you shed some light on this issue?

The notion of sodomy we derive from the Biblical narrative of Lot. To summarize the tale, God takes the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah as places of depravity and sends two angels in the guise of men to Sodom to see the reality of the city’s inhabitants. Lot urges the visitors to take refuge in his home. A crowd of men of Sodom come to Lot’s home, asking for the two visitors so that they “may know them.” Lot instead offers his two virgin daughters to appease the men. The offer is refused, the angels draw Lot back into the house, induce blindness in the crowd of men, who still press on for the angel visitors. This all leads up to the eventual raining of fire and brimstone (sulfur) upon the cities, laying them to waste.

Early Judaic scholars found the ills of the Sodom narrative to reside largely in the absence of hospitality among the people. Nonetheless, later commentary associates much more closely Sodom with a sexual deviance that stuck thereafter within the Judeo-Christian tradition. This likely arose as a reaction against the practice of pederasty among the Greeks encroaching on the Jews in the Hellenization of Judea. From this point on, the term ‘sodomy’ came to describe the act of anal sex and in some cases zoophilia; more recently oral sex has also come to be encompassed by the term as well.

From the Judeo-Christian tradition, the United States Federal and State Governments have derived a strong tradition of moralizing legislature. These laws offer no particular benefit to the governance and maintained order of social relationships, rather they merely impose a morality by which a dominant culture maintains a dominant position within a heterogeneous nation as ours comprised of a multitude of ethnicities, creeds, etc. These laws misplace vices as crimes and include such policies on drug use and sexuality, sodomy included.

Nonetheless, it is only relatively recently that such a distinction has been made between legislature of social order and that of a moralizing nature. Anti-sodomy laws have been almost exclusively used to prosecute homosexuals (24 states and the District of Columbia still regard sodomy as illegal, classified as a felony in 16 of those states; the District of Columbia considers those convicted of sodomy as ‘sexual psychopaths’). This is largely because the nonregulation of gays to have private consensual sex taken to its logical conclusion would permit gay wedlock. Arguments suggesting gay marriage is counter-intuitive or that homosexuality is abhorrent to the people have been used to justify upholding anti-gay and lesbian marriage laws. Similar arguments were used to uphold anti-miscegenation laws (barring racially intermixed marriage and sexuality). However, it is of particular interest that in spite of always being within State jurisdiction to determine marriage laws, with the determination in 1967 on Loving v. Virginia the U.S. Supreme Court repealed all anti-miscegenation laws on the grounds of it being immoral to disallow people from marrying whomever they want. Why does any of this matter and why is it anyone’s business on the personal sexuality of others? The fact of the matter is that if a government has the ability to control the fundamental relationships of society, that is the family unit, it has a much greater power over the people.


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One response to “Dear Weed$teeler

  1. honkeytonk

    bahahahahaha dying @ the second question.
    According to one participant, those two “straight guys” weren’t so straight that evening. And the “gay” partaker fingered a girl. LULZ.

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