Dear Weed$teeler

Please submit all questions at

Does the pope shit in the woods?

The phrase “does the Pope shit in the woods?” is one of obscure origin, nonetheless, it was first widely disseminated in the cult film by Joel and Ethan Coen, The Big Lebowski. In spite of historiographic speculation about medieval European sewage and the seat of the papacy, most agree that the phrase is an amalgam of two earlier ones intended as rhetorical tautologies: “does a bear shit in the woods?” and “is the Pope Catholic?” Seeing as the Catholic Church has an arcane history as the parent organization of NAMBLA, there is more obscure and subversive phrasing used amongst the occult elite: “is the Pope a bear?” So what this all boils down to is that whether or not the Pope defecates in the Latial countryside is arbitrary. Does the Pope advocate fucking little boys? Yes.

As a black male, how do I find an Indian woman who will sleep with me?

Don’t pretend like you’ve never heard of rape.

do you infidel boys think you are going to get away with this drawing contest? be seeing you soon.

I suppose you are referring to the Weedsteeler sponsored “Draw the Prophet Contest” to draw Muhammad. I suppose this contest is controversial for the traditional aniconist doctrine particular to Sunni Moslems which forbids the depiction of Allah, Muhammad, and for some more stringent interpretations the depiction of all living creatures. Of course the advent of mass media has posed a clash to cultural identities from this archaic doctrine, provoking angst from the Dar al-Islam. The Shia denomination has coped better when afronted with such imagery, yet Sunni tradition barring imagery of all living creatures is wholly out of step with the semiotics of post-modern technological society. The fact that we do not live in a religious state, let alone a Sunni one, gives no ground for legalities and therefore we will not be seeing you in court. This leaves few alternatives for grounds in which we might meet and I suppose we can rule out matters of business and socializing. In other words, “come find me, goddammit.”

I see that beards are really hip this season. Does this look apply for women as well?

If you are talking facial hair, then a beard on a woman is never acceptable. If you’re talking pussy beards, then it depends on whether or not you like “cotton candy”.

If I scratch my anus when it itches will it increase my girth?

In the use of this terminology, an “itching anus” is semantically ambiguous. An itching anus can be localized pruritis, yet it can also be an euphemism for a sexually aroused gay male. In the case of the latter, “scratching” one would infer to be the satisfaction of this “itch” and hence this is all circumstantial and highly personal regarding the erogenous zones and your erectile response. In the case of the former, it is best to understand the cause of both anal pruritis and the girth of a male sex organ.

There are many causes of itching, and subsequently many cures. I suggest using web-md to diagnose and cure all medical ailments including your 4-year itch. Nonetheless, perennial hygiene is always a good defense and thus anal pruritis is best avoided by cleaning the anus thoroughly without the use of soap, or placing a gauze pad between the buttocks on heavy flow days to wick away moisture.

As for the girth factor, it must be understood that this is genetic and unrelated to anal itching. Stretching with weights may increase your overall length, but your best hopes at increasing girth are ending your life in the hope of being reincarnated as a hung (not to be confused with hanged) black man. If reincarnation does not exist, at least you will put your significant other out of their misery in dealing with your “rinky-dink”.

Would you let L.T. rape you?

L.T. I take it refers to the former New York Giants linebacker (and Football Hall of Famer) Lawrence Taylor. First, let me explain that just because there is a particularly high prevalence of rape charges among black professional sports players, does not mean all of them are what sexologists refer to as a “fucknigger.” It would be racist to make such a generalization. Nonetheless, it is no mystery that while blacks in professional sports have changed the face of their respective games, also they have changed the face of women’s safety. Taylor’s rather outlandish track record is a good indicator that he is going to be pounding license plates and inmate ass. Yet, this is beside the point. To let anyone rape oneself may imply a lack of defense or a helplessness when confronted by a rapist. Yet, the ambiguities can not be credited and the situation is counterintuitive in implying permissibility of sexual entry in rape which by definition bars this sexual permission. The answer is simple: no. But if we suppose the offer was on the table, would there be any money involved? -and if so, how much?


Leave a comment

Filed under cowards, muslims, rapists, satan,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s