Week One was loaded with full blown AIDS. Sick from top to bottom. The story of the games that I watched was defense (Steelers/ Packers/ Redskins). Of course, lackluster offense didn’t help either (Falcons/ Eagles (before Vick)/ Cowboys). There were plenty of teams that might have been AIDS sick at the start of the season but when they got out to play only showed a headcold (Bengals/ Colts/ 49ers). We’ll see if their symptoms develop as the season wears on. PICKS!!!
Ravens ( – ) at Bengals (0-1)- ok, so the Bengals had me thinking that they may be capable of doing something right but then I watched a quarter of the total ass blowout on Sunday. The Bengals aren’t shit. Ravens burn OTR to the ground because we all know OTR ain’t got anything on Snoop and Chris.
Bills (0-1) at Packers (1-0)- Packers are legit. They were legit last season but a little green. This season, they are AIDS sick. Bills are beyond help. Their season was over last season. Packers.
Steelers (1-0) at Titans (1-0)- Can the Steelers keep Chris Johnson under wraps? One of these teams is full blown. The other has defense like condoms to keep the sickness at bay. I’m thinking Titans.
Bucaneers (1-0) at Panthers (0-1)- There is no way this game will be on TV. If you somehow acquire a copy of it on VHS it will be more collectable than your fat sisters Cabbage Patch collection. This game is like the Yeti in that only total fucking freaks will have seen it. Panthers.
Chiefs ( – ) at Browns (0-1)- Strangely, this is going to be like that Lions/ Browns game when both teams are playing for last place. Who wants to win less? Can there be a winner at all? If this is one of my viewing options, I think I’ll go hang out with my fucked up neighbors Bill, the dude who looks like Popeye and the bitchy bitch who looks like Olive Oil. Maybe on of them will kill the other (here’s hoping). Chiefs.
Dolphins (1-0) at Vikings (0-1)- I was just thinking that the Dolphins get lucky to be in a cooler climate before the weather turns south but then I remembered the Vikes are a dome team. Nevermind. Fuck it, Dolphins. Brett Farve isn’t AIDS sick. He’s old sick.
Cardinals (1-0) at Falcons (0-1)- Falcons in the battle of birds.
Eagles (0-1) at Lions (0-1)- Hmmm, if Kolb starts then the Lions win. If Sick Vick starts then the Eagles do that dance.
Bears (1-0) at Cowboys (0-1)- The Cowboys looked like complete garbage against the Redskins and the Bears should have lost to the Lions. In short, I’ll be throwing my own festival next weekend in the AIDS District where sickly bands play and this game will be on a portable black and white TV to remind everyone how miserable life can really be. Cowboys.
Rams (0-1) at Raiders (0-1)- someone has to win. someone has to win. someone has to win. someone has to win. someone has to win. someone has to win. someone has to win. someone has to win. someone has to win. Raiders because someone has to win.
Seahawks (1-0) at Broncos (0-1) Seahawks because I still do not buy what the Broncos are selling which is frat boy Xenos bullshit. Oh yeah, fuck the Alive.
Texans (1-0) at Redskins (1-0) Can the ‘Skins slow the Texans down? If they do, can the ‘Skins offense register a fucking pulse? Nope and nada. Texans violate the ‘Skins.
Patriots (1-0) at Jets ( – ) Forget the hail mary. It is all about the hail satan now. Go deep (anal), get filthy. Patriots.
Jaguars (1-0) at Chargers ( -) I love the fact that the Jaguars sold out their home opener just because people wanted to see Tim Tebow play. I like to watch fat people get hurt but does that mean I’m taking to the fucking park and feeding them KFC? Negative.What any of this has to do with this game is anyone’s guess. Chargers.
Giants (1-0) at Colts (0-1)- Cam and I are going to don each jersey and fight to determine the winner. I’m Peyton and he’s Eli. Meet us at the Fight Rock if you wanna fight your brother. Colts.
Saints (1-0) at 49ers (0-1)- 49ers are 0-2 after this debacle.