NFL Week 9: Playing Football Like It’s Almost 2012

Nothing makes sense this season. Why not go out with a bang with an entire season that is upside down. Kinda loving Randy Moss getting tossed by the Vikes. Where that leaves them no one knows but one thing is for sure is they can’t be any worse. Picks!

Cardinals (3-4) at Vikings (2-5)- if you pay attention to stats and shit, you may notice that west teams traveling east play like shit. Hmmm, but the Vikings suck. Hmmm, but the Cardinals QBs are future trash pickers. Hmmm, Vikes.

Jets (5-2) at Lions (2-5) this will be closer than what anyone thinks. If you’re looking points, look at Detroit. If you are looking at a win go with the Jets.

Chargers (3-5) at Texans (4-3)- So the Chargers have the best offense and defense in the NFL and yet have won THREE GAMES. The Titans game woke up the mighty beast and the Chargers will win this because of the Texans secondary which is nonexistent.

Dolphins (4-3) at Ravens (5-2)- game of the week?! I like the Ravens in this. That said, you should have followed my lead last week and put real cash dollars on the ‘Phins.

Bears (4-3) at Bills (0-7)- Bills. I said it. FU Jay Cutler.

Buccaneers (5-2) at Falcons (5-2)- Some have pegged this as a game of the week. Weak is more like it. Falcons go.

Patriots (6-1) at Browns (2-5)- Pats do the dance.

Saints (5-3) at Panthers (1-6)- battle for supremacy in the land of white supremacy. Saints.

Giants (5-2) at Seahawks (4-3)- every year I make fun of my dad for being a Seahawks fan so I can’t go back to that joke. The real question is, did Eli regress in his week off? Heavy question. Giants.

Chiefs (5-2) at Raiders (4-4)- some fucking head on Sunday was real stoked on this game. I wouldn’t be. This is some mid-card shit. It’s like women wrestling, boring unless some titties pop out.

Colts (5-2) at Eagles (4-3)- I’m taking the Eagles because I keep betting against them and they cost me $$$$.

Cowboys (1-6) at Packers (5-3)- how must it feel to be on America’s team when you can’t beat the Jaguars. There is literally no chance for the Cowboys to win much like there is literally no chance you would ever receive records that you order from Troubleman Unlimited.

Steelers (5-2) at Bengals (2-5)- I really hate those “WHO DEY” nation commercials. I can think of at least 900 other groups to join instead of that. Nation of Islam, NAMBLA, The Bloods (even though I don’t like the color red), Al-Qaeda, the Republican party, chess club. I mean, if you are trying to lure people to the equivalent of a secret club for middle aged adult anime fans you can at least spice up your commercials somewhat. Better yet change the tag line,


1 Comment

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One response to “NFL Week 9: Playing Football Like It’s Almost 2012


    “like there is literally no chance you would ever receive records that you order from Troubleman Unlimited.”

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