We here at Weedsteeler hq aka Black CNN-ville know our stuff. What’s good for 2010? We’re here to tell you about the future on some soothsayer type joint. Sit down, get illuminated and get completely dusted on 2010.
1. What to abandon? Indie rock. Yeah, we all want to pretend we have a yacht (V. Weekend), a dressed up lumber jack (G. Bear) or actually put an English degree to use (decemberists). Fraudulent. Ditch it before you get even more clowned on because you are already suspect. In 20 years, your shitty tit sucking kids are going to look at photos of your ass and clown on you. “DAD, you’re dressed like you’ve been getting your dick sucked by Gilligan backstage at a Jimmy Buffett concert.” Hey skipper, fuck off! If you insist on that shit ‘stache, you should just become a cop or doing movies devoted to deep anal. Now’s the time.
2. Many males don’t have foreskin. Ever wonder what it’s like to fuck a bitch with it? http://manhood.mb.ca/ Get familiar. Do you want to die in 2012 and not know? Didn’t think so…
3. Get fat. There probably isn’t anything more gratifying than not giving a shit. Destroy your life. Get huge. Don’t work. Have a Jerry Springer special filmed about you. You’ll hear these fatso’s say being fat sucks and they don’t know what love is and they don’t have a life? Life is shit! Pizza is great! Is there a decision? I’ll see you at the buffet!