Tag Archives: don't go in there you dumb bitch

Destroying Your Life For Satan: Bath Salt Butcher Edition


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Destroying Your Life For Satan: Fighting Wolves With Christian Rock Edition

Luckily for Walter Eikrem, it does not appear Norwegian wolves care for Creed.

The 13-year-old was walking home from the school bus stop in the town of Rakkestdad this week when he noticed something on the hillside near his family’s farmhouse, according to Germany’s Der Spiegel magazine.

At first he thought they were dogs, but he soon realized they were wolves – four of them – the magazine said, citing Norway’s TV2.

The boy, remembering that his mother had told him never to run from wolves, pulled the headphones out of his mobile phone and cranked up the volume on the tiny speakers.

He was listening to “Overcome” by Creed, an arguably Christian rock band, and apparently, the wolves were not fans.

(Initial reports indicated Walter shooed the wolves away with a Megadeth song, but the blog at Gibson guitars cleared up the confusion.)

“They just turned around and simply trotted away,” he told the TV station, according to Der Spiegel. “The worst thing you can do is run away because doing so just invites the wolves to chase you down … but I was so afraid that I couldn’t even run away if I’d wanted to.”

To be fair, Walter was yelling at the top of his lungs and wildly flailing his arms, so it’s tough to say exactly what made the wolves decide the boy might not be delicious.

His mother told the local paper that she was going to pick her son up from school because she knew there were wolves in the area, but she got carried away shopping, Der Spiegel reported.

“I have a completely guilty conscience,” she said. “The previous evening, we saw three wolves on the edge of the forest when we were putting our horses in their stall. The horses were panicky.”

Um, thanks, mum? … Well, OK, scratch that. Perhaps sarcasm is a little harsh for the woman who taught young Walter never to run from wolves.

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Destroy Your Life For Satan: Getting Attacked By Demons In Trinidad Edition

Panic broke out at the Moruga Composite School yesterday as 17 female students fell mysteriously ill and began rolling on the ground, hissing and blabbering in a strange tongue, after suffering bouts of nausea and headaches. Two of the students reportedly tried to throw themselves off a railing and had to be physically restrained, triggering fears of a possible demon attack. The drama started during the lunch hour in the Form One block and quickly spread to other areas. Form Five student Kern Mollineau, who attends the Lighthouse Tabernacle Church, said he got worried when the girls’ eyes began rolling up in their heads and they began beating up on the ground.

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CRIME WEEK RETURNS: NYDM CRIME SYNDICATE EDITION

NEW YORK (CBS/WCBS) A serial robber who likes to don disguises is no longer on the prowl, say police.

Police say Shanna Spalding, of Queens, N.Y., was arrested in downtown Manhattan Wednesday afternoon just minutes after a robbery.

On MySpace, the 28-year-old suspect is seen singing with a death-metal band called “Divine Infamy” under the stage name “Purgatory,” reports the New York Post.

Spalding is suspected of robbing four shoe and beauty stores in Manhattan and Queens between April and June.

Police say she wore several disguises during the burglaries, including a cat mask.

Spalding faces robbery and weapons charges.

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This Just In!

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