The regular season is over and it will be missed but the last two weeks of second stringers fucking off was terrible. There were teams that weren’t playing for anything (ahem, Bengals) and put up awful numbers. Fuck all that, it’s the playoffs. Bet your house, bet your car and if you don’t have either….who cares? You have to live a little. The mob will likely break your knee caps and with medical technology you’ll likely be in better shape after the fact. Worse, you may wind up in a body bag but the way the global economy is going, who cares? Win win situation.
AFC: 5. New York at 4. Cincinnati, Sat. 4:30 p.m. ET (NBC)- a repeat of that total piece of shit from Sunday night. If you are a betting person, how can your inner dago deny the Jets? Who dey that had 7 first half yards? Fuck off.
NFC: 6. Philadelphia at 3. Dallas, Sat. 8 p.m. ET (NBC)- another repeat of that total piece of shit from Sunday afternoon. Could Philly look any worse? Had they won, they would have won the division and earned a first round bye but no, they get blanked by the Cowboys who won the division. This game is a tough choice because the Cowboys haven’t won a playoff game since I was in high school. Bet Cowboys but don’t watch the game. Take your family out to eat because it may be the last time you see them alive.
AFC: 6. Baltimore at 3. New England, Sun. 1 p.m. ET (CBS)- Tom Brady has a broken finger and some broken ribs and no one has raised a fucking eyebrow over domestic abuse. Gisele Bundchen probably busted dude up. If there is one thing we have learned from Tiger, don’t make foreign hookers your wife because they will fuck your shit up. Ravens.
NFC: 5. Green Bay at 4. Arizona, Sun. 4:40 p.m. ET (Fox)- Jesus, another repeat of a crummy game. Bet on the Packers because no one knows which version of the Cardinals will show up. It doesn’t help the Cards drink Peyote Gatorade before every game in an attempt to channel their spirit animal and their spirit animal is a shrew.