A MAN who went in search of his biological father was shocked to learn it was famed serial killer Charles Manson.
Matthew Roberts, a 41-year-old DJ who lives in Los Angeles, said the shock of discovering his father sent him into depression.
“I didn’t want to believe it. I was frightened and angry. It’s like finding out that Adolf Hitler is your father,” Mr Roberts told The Sun.
“I’m a peaceful person – trapped in the face of a monster.”
Despite his revulsion Mr Roberts has been exchanging mail with Manson, who is serving life in Corcoran State Prison in California over nine murders committed by his “Family” of followers in 1969.
“He sends me weird stuff and always signs it with his swastika,” Mr Roberts said.
“At first I was stunned and depressed. I wasn’t able to speak for a day.
“I remember not being able to eat.”
Mr Roberts grew up in Rockford, Illinois but didn’t know he was adopted until his sister told him at age 10.
Despite his adoptive father telling him “nothing good” would come of discovering who his real parents were, Mr Roberts used a social services agency to locate his mother, Terry.
She confirmed Mr Roberts was adopted and told him his birth name was Lawrence Alexander but would not reveal the last name.
Eventually Terry relented and revealed that Mr Roberts’ father was Manson, who she claims raped her in 1967 after she had succumbed to his manic charisma.
“She even said, ‘You look just like him’, Mr Roberts said recalling the shocking revelation.
Manson has confirmed that he could be Mr Roberts’ father and that he remembers Terry.
The former cult leader wrote to Mr Roberts that: “The truth is the truth. The truth hurts.”
Mr Roberts fears he may have inherited some of Manson’s characteristics but insists he is a very peaceful person.
“I’m not nuts but I’ve got a little bit of it,” Mr Roberts said.
“It’s scary and upsetting. If I get worked up, my eyes get really big and that’s really freaked some people out before.
“I’ve tried to tone that down quite a bit. I don’t like having that effect on people.
“I don’t even like the fact that I’m big. It makes me even scarier. My hero is Gandhi. I’m an extremely non-violent, peaceful person and a vegetarian.
“I don’t even kill bugs. I’ve had long hair all my life. I could make it go away, but I can’t let the world and their fears change me.”
Mr Roberts has a prison phone number for Manson but says a “subconscious block” stops him from calling.
“If I did talk to Charlie on the phone, I would say, ‘I truly understand what it’s like to be you, more than anyone could ever imagine on so many levels,’” Mr Roberts said.
“He’s my biological father – I can’t help but have some kind of emotional connection. That’s the hardest thing of all – feeling love for a monster who raped my mother.
“I don’t want to love him, but I don’t want to hate him either.”