We’ve been getting a ton of New Orleans Saints traffic as of late. People have been searching “ugly Saints fans” among other great searches. Also, sorry to the misguided teens that searched “acne on my scrotum” and found my football picks. Good luck with the acne but check back on the regular as there is great content to be found on Weedsteeler: The Blog: The Lifestyle: The Deathstyle. Maybe the youth can become guest posters as an internship. We’ll have an essay contest. Holler at Satan. Pixxxxx.
Colts (13-0)/ Jaguars (7-6)- this game symbolizes the freshman 15. Colts come in lean and mean. Jaguars arrive after a night of heavy drinking and Taco Bell at 12 midnight capped with Hound Dogs at 6am. The vomiting does not help your figure or the notion that this game will be any good. Colts.
Cowboys (8-5)/ Saints (13-0)- this game mirrors the Colts game with the exception that the Cowboys will likely put up a better fight than the Jaguars. Cowboys are bloatin’ up fast. Saints.
Texans (6-7)/ Rams (1-12)- I was in class recently and someone brought Lunchables to class to eat. A real person, an adult, without any sort of apparent mental disability… Lunchables! That seemed like the coolest lunch ever when I was in 6th grade but then you’d crack open that meat and there would be WATER IN THE MEAT! The fuck? Why don’t you eat some heart disease too. Lunchables, the real freshman 15 grub, ya dig. Texans.
Falcons (6-7)/ Jets (7-6)- Fighting For They Lives Like They Terminal. It is almost time to pull that plug! Falcons are almost DOA. Jets have a faint pulse. The light is approaching. Jets win.
Bears (5-8)/ Ravens (7-6) – Bears are dead but I hope this is on my crummy tv so I can watch Jay Cutter throw some interceptions and get upset with his pasty self. Afterwards, he can drown his sorrows in multiple pints of Haagen Daas. Jay gettin his weight up. Ravens.
Browns (2-11)/ Chiefs (3-10)- this game isn’t “I ate so much at Thanksgiving I think I’m gonna puke” bad. It’s more, “I ate this whole goddamn sandwich and found mold on the bread on the last bite” bad. It’s the “inevitable, waiting for your stomach or anus to explode” bad. Chiefs.
Cardinals (*-*)/ Lions (2-11)- so lemme get this straight, often these two teams don’t have their games aired on televsion because no one in their area watches them sooooo can’t they just cancel the game? WHO THE FUCK WOULD KNOW IF IT DIDN’T HAPPEN? Cards.
Patriots (8-5)/ Bills (5-8) Bills are laying there in the dark, reeking of booze with Slim Jim wrappers all over the floor while a Mudvayne cd keeps skipping. Patriots are up and at ’em, marrying models and shit. Pats.
49ers (*-*)/ Eagles (9-4)- 49ers dropped out of college and are chilling at home with their drill instructor dad, Mike Singletary. He’s screaming at them to get a job while they just keep swilling booze they stole from Fallsburg Pizza and eating stale chips. Technically, not a freshman but blowing up real big nonetheless. Eagles.
Dolphins (7-6)/ Titans (6-7)- this could be a great game, They are both Fighting For They Lives Like They Terminal. I’m going to take the Titans but I feel that either team could pull out a win and whoever earns the win could likely land a Wild Card spot.
Bengals (9-4)/ Chargers (10-3)- Again, another great game with potentially, home field on the line. I like the Chargers in this. If Cinci had a healthier defense I would maybe say Cinci but Chargers are rolling right now.
Raiders (4-9)/ Broncos (8-5)- I’m taking the Raiders to upset the Broncos. I don’t have an explanation.
Packers (9-4) / Steelers (6-7)- I don’t think this will be a pretty one for Pittsburgh. Steelers have many problems this season and the Packers are riding a nice streak. Packers.
Bucaneers (1-12)/ Seahawks (5-8)- this is the equiavlent to the fish sandwich at Arby’s. Bad news and yet people still buy it. You’ll suffer from serious self hate afterward. Seahawks.
Vikings (11-2)/ Panthers (5-8)- I saw the commercial for this game last night. “The red hot Vikings play the Panthers”. C’mon, don’t sell me a false bill of goods here. True, the Vikings are playing great football this season but couldn’t the announcer said “…the Panthers from Carolina where obesity is more rampant than frontal nudity in the locker room.” or “…the Carolina Panthers who are more disappointing than life in general.”
Giants (7-6)/ Redskins (4-9)- Tom Coughlin of the Giants cracks me up. Dude looks like my grandfather and gives these looks like he would slap the shit out of Eli if Eli wasn’t a tattle-tale. I would guess he says stuff like, “IF YOU PUSSIES HAD TO FIGHT THE NAZI’S, WE’D ALL BE DEAD. GROW A PAIR AND GIVE ME 20. Giants.